Life kick you when your down..

Fair warning, this is going to be a very woe is me type post.

So life has pretty much sucked lately. It seems that when I think that things can't get any worse, they do. My job cut hours so our already tight budget is even tighter. We really are at a loss as what to do financially. We were staying positive because at least we had some money saved up for the baby. Well, then I did my taxes and we owe $1000. Baby fund just flew out the window.

This is when life started to really bother me. I have been so stressed out. Doctors appointments, household issues money draining things started coming out of the woodwork. The washing machine broke. $150 later, money we don't have and we bought a used one. Thought the crisis was averted, till the hoses started leaking. Now we have to go buy new ones.

I have been having nasty pains that have kept both of us up many nights in a row. My mother acts like I am nothing more than a drama queen and that I am faking. Thanks mom. Since I work with my mother I cannot escape her negativity. She told me that I had to stay calm or I was going to lose my baby. Not what I needed, or wanted to hear.

Even things that I think are going to be positive experiences end up falling apart. My aunt came in this week to paint the mural for the babies room. I spent hours sketching and coloring what we wanted. There were certain things that were very important to us. Well after 3 days it was coming along very slowly and just all wrong. I tried to just decide that it wasn't going to be what we pictured but it just got worse. Tropical fish that were 6 times larger than the dolphin or the same size as the manatees. Proportionally it was just all wrong. When she painted the Tarpon (a fish that is HUGE in the real world) about 10" long the disappointment in my husbands voice just pushed me over the edge. I felt as though I wasn't being listened to at all. So my mother called her and told her to stop. She asked that mom and I come together to discuss it and that is when I got attacked. She said she didn't do proportionally. I tried to explain that the things that were most important to us were being left out and was treated like an "over emotional pregnant woman". Yup, when I left the room that is the explanation that was given. Thankfully Mike came home and was able to calm me down. So now my nursery walls have to get repainted (she drew on them in permanent marker) and we have to attempt to locate a projector. We will finish the nursery ourselves. I am heartbroken. I feel as though I took so much time to plan and sketch only to not get what I wanted.

Yes, all of these things seem somewhat trivial but piled on top of each other I am near my breaking point. I cry on a regular basis and none of my usual stress releases are working. I feel lost and hopeless. I wish I knew what to do. There is no way we will be able to get the savings back in check before this boy arrives. Plus, the idea of trying to pay for daycare scares me. I feel like I have failed my child before he even arrived.