Ok.. so I am on CD 66 and still no period. I am however now taking Provera. So hopefully this cycle will be coming to an end sooner rather than later. Last week I ended up getting a really bad ear infection and went to my PCP. After discussing me "seriously inflamed" ear I spoke with him about the cycle that just won't end and he agreed to prescribe the Provera.. Yay!
Ok.. so on to the "Am I Nuts?" portion of this blog. Lets start with the back story... My SIL got KU at 16 and gave birth to my beautiful niece. SIL and my niece have been living with my MIL 3 hours north of us for awhile in the middle of nowhere. Well.. SIL has decided that she wants to go to college, which is great. Unfortunately she decided to go to school down here, where he friends are, and leave her daughter with MIL. I do not agree with this AT ALL! I think that she needs to raise her daughter, not only for her daughters sake, but so she has a reason to stay out of trouble.
Now for the part where I think I may be nuts. SIL brought up over the weekend how she wishes that Mike and I would take the niece in and raise her. I have always said that I would take her in a heartbeat if I could do it financially. Right now we don't have the means to support her. Especially with our excess funds going to fertility treatments. So the situations was at a standstill. Well, as of right now SIL is researching "daycare assistance" programs that would severely reduce if not eliminate the cost of daycare. Plus SIL has said she would provide money for diapers, clothes, etc for niece. Mike and I have told her to do all the research and come to us with a proposal and we could discuss it. So.. I ask you, my blog readers... Am I Nuts?
Ella's 691 week update
1 month ago
7 comments:
If this is something you are seriously considering, I would have a very thorough conversation with your SIL, and legally document everything that was agreed upon. Unless you are willing (and right now it doesn't sound like you have the resources), all expenses should come from your SIL and not out of your pocket.
Personally I think it is her responsibility to raise her own child, and not that of her relatives. It is so noble that you are trying to help her in this situation.
I think your niece is very lucky to have family members who are so dedicated to her. The more cynical side of me says meet with a lawyer and perhaps a mediator to establish very clear boundaries.
My first thought.. "naaa, you aren't nuts".. I think about my little brother's step daughter. I'd take her in in a heartbeat so iunno..
This is a hard one. I guess I'm just confused about the whole "raising her" thing. When I hear that I think that you are her legal guardians and are essentially her parents. Is that what your SIL intends?
I could see where you want to help but this seems like it could be a hurtful situation to you guys in the long run and I wouldn't want that to happen. Kudos to you for being such wonderful family members though.
Hi. Found your blog through Lost & Found. I agree with Jessica's comment and would have everything documented legally through a lawyer. I know you want to help, but you also have to look out for your needs and wants as well. If having a baby is your number 1 priority right now, make sure that happens... and if you can get legal custody and work out the financial arrangements for your SIL's child, then go from there. Good Luck!
I found you through lost and found as well. So, bear with me as I'm shooting from the hip here.
What's best for niece? To be honest your SIL sounds a bit selfish. There are plenty of assistance programs that would allow her to go to college and have her daughter live with her as well. Will it be hard? You betcha. It reads as if she wants to go off and have the "college experience" and ignore the responsability of her daughter and give it to you and your husband or your MIL.
Your niece deserves a consistant and quality home. While I think it's great that you are considering this and that your MIL also said she would take care of your niece, it just seems like such a temporary and uprooting arrangement. This could cause some serious confusion in your niece's eyes. Which could lead to all sorts of trust issues etc.
I found you through Lost and Found as well.
I've often said that I would take my neices in in a heartbeat if needed... and I would figure out a way to afford it. I have a few questions, though. Is she asking you to raise her as in become her parents? or does she just want to dump her off so she can have her fun in college and then come back into her daughter's life? Does she still want to be a mother, but have you help take care of her? I think these are some serious questions that you need to ask her and your husband. Also, after all descisions are made, I would definitely get a lawyer to advise the best way to handle the situation so it doesn't get messy-because it sounds like it really could.
Your neice is so lucky to have people like you and your MIL in her life.
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