Tired of Tears...

So here we are.. one month from our 1st wedding anniversary. Am I planning a great trip or celebration.. nope.. my life is no longer about just be and my husband. It has been overtaken by the dream of being parents.

We started trying one month before the wedding. I know, I know.. shame on us. We went in knowing we had issues to overcome. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis and Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) in April of 2006. In August of 2007 I went thru a second laproscopy and hysterscopy. All I heard was .. so many women get pregnant right away after lap... not me.

In January we decided to make a visit to an RE. Our 1st appointment was early February where we were told of an IVF study that we were qualified for. $3000 later and here we are on the brink of IVF. DH had an SA and we can now add MFI to our list of infertility diagnosis.

We got a tentative date for everything yesterday. Start BCP 3/10, Lupron injections 3/28, stims will come after that and ER & ET should happen sometime the week on April 21st. One would think that this information would be great. We have a time frame. Alas, no.

I cried myself to sleep again last night. I just can't seem to find any comfort in anything. I no longer trust in my body. All I can think is that if this cycle doesn't work we are out $3000 and out of the TTC group for a while because of finances.

The only thing I have ever wanted is to be a mommy.. sometimes these days I wonder if it will every happen. I just don't want to cry anymore but I am not sure how to accomplish that.